Stuck on what happened New Year's Eve

My rape and assault have been on my mind alot. There are immense feelings of guilt, of shame. My panic attacks and anxiety levels have been at super all time highs lately.

Intellectually I know that I did nothing wrong. But emotionally is a whole different story. Society, and especially police officers, still place blame with the victim because I didn't fight back, or I didn't scream (my child was asleep in the other room and I did NOT want his attention to go anywhere near her), I just took the cuts (he had a knife), the blows to the head (I had a concussion and they thought he had broken my eye socket.. he didn't but it looked that bad). I didn't report it immediately after it happened (I was unconscious, when I woke up several hours later when my husband came home from work, he called the police). But because I had been drinking earlier that evening (by myself once my child was in bed), I must just have been drunk and had consensual rough sex with this man I did not know and called the cops now because I need a cover story so my husband won't be mad at me. Yes, that's actually what the detective told me. So yeah... I don't trust cops at all anymore. I did everything I was "supposed" to, I called them, gave a report, went to the hospital, had a rape kit done, the whole nine yards only to have them just never do anything with it because I wanted it. This all happened New Year's Eve 2009, so just this past January. I've been in therapy before for rape, because I was raped when I was in high school, and I've been trying to use the tools she gave me then for now, because with no health insurance I can't get any therapy so I haven't fully dealt with what happened to me. To add to it, I ended up getting pregnant from my rape. I later miscarried that baby. I have not processed the pain and emotional fallout from those either, the rape, the beating, the pregnancy or the miscarriage. I know I need someone to talk to but I have nowhere to turn.